Leave room for mystery. Plea. Hope. But your whole self into it. Embrace it.

and then it hits you. you're free, in love, and doing exactly what you wanted.

more than anything (i think) i want my company to be sweet like a simple breeze.  unhindering, freeing.

like a swing in summer.

love may kill me.

but, then again,

it also may resurrect me.

i left a piece of me with you when we parted.

i'll come back and get it once more.

this is a promise from the very yearnings of my heart-strings.

Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!
Give me my sin again.

reflections from the year.

i keep lighting a bush on fire 

and watching it burn.

i keep waiting for G-D to speak,

i keep waiting for him in fire,

in light,

in his bush-

my own bush i found beyond the way.

life, more than ever hurts. 

the residual scars from taking the hit,

from false love, from lust,

or wondering if love will cease,

and when it doesn't, 

when it keeps coming back,

wondering if i'm allowed to let him in.

it's almost enough that he makes me feel, 

it's almost enough to forget

dreams that i had.

there are barriers surrounding me,

walls of unforgiveness,

hidden piles of tears unspilt; dammed.

what's left of my heart is an abandoned altar.

tired.

dirty beyond cleansing.

mud caked and petrified, over me,

a cast, a mummy.

it isn't so much that i feel sinful, as much as i don't feel.

so, my plea is for forgiveness, atonement, a pure heart.

my plea is to be seen - wary,

and taken into the bath house, washed and cleansed.

fragrant oils over scars, 

tender kisses,

to be allowed to stop.

i went to a bath house once,

ashamed i covered and hid

my parts with arms too thin.

this time, i'm not afraid of my faults if you aren't. 

it would be good to take some layers off

and be me for a while.

east river,

peace river.

mother's day

mom's away for mother's day this year.

i'd like to write her a note,
written with my right hand
quivering
and say,
"go-
be a little girl and let balloons take you away.
go fly to paris while there's still time"

Sunday Tea

You make me breathe easy.
And, since this city has been
Especially foggy lately,
I am grateful

For you
Give me something to dream about.
Lately I've been feeling
The absense of arms
Mingling in waves serene.

There are promises
I won't make or whisper.
But find with me something good.
I believe it's waiting for us. I believe you'll adore him when you two meet.

I don't believe I've ever felt so calm than when I'm at Sunday tea.
Or so ready to dive into the Pacific sea.

"I will not forget you. See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands."
-Is. 49:15-16

"The people stood far off while Moses drew nearer to the thick darkness, where God was."
-Ex. 20:21

papa

i still want the mountains,
and i still need you near.

my heart, faint from winter, needs to go home.

home, the eternal place i've never been. one day, your glory rinse & sun drops will clean my muddied face.
(papa, i know you're so much more, but i want your lap (like a lake) to finally feel some peace).

papa, i know he's not yours yet, but i imagine he loves like you. i think if you two met, you'd beam like summerjune.

she walks with the sway of a woman in love.
she knows her stagger,
she knows her skill.

awakening

hummingbirds inside my chest,
is it springtime?
new beginnings
awaken truth in me.

the truth, the truth
we tell it for freedom,
we tell it for love.

silent anthems run across my mind.

Let lovers go fresh and sweet to be undone, Let lovers go fresh and sweet to be undone.

hummingbirds, hummingbirds,
the flowers will bloom.

i love you because you love me,
and your loving me makes me love you,
it draws love out of me.
in return, i love you, and
ask you to keep loving me.
so love, let us never
stop loving one another,
how will i know to love again
without you loving me?

maybe one day i can love
you enough for you to love me
like i love you.