summer music.

summer came today.

i could feel it in the roots of my hair.

i was warmed and

it seemed that in the sun my shield melted.

there has been a lot of driving lately

in preparation for the driving that will come.

and in driving and in listening to summer music

all of a sudden summer's emotions come flooding back.

driving route 84 east, i was not in connecticut,

but a different coastal state breathing the breeze from a different coast.

i had not thought of it with such emotion in a long while.

and i drove along,

alone this time,

with the same yearning and loss that music carried last year.

and i wanted those notes to carry you through my veins

and i don't think of it too often because emotions can be too strong,

and sometimes words fail, and i can't keep the chord long enough to satisfy.

but if i ever meet you again, i will tell you i finally understand.

the heart cannot be forced to fall in love,

even when it wants to,

even when there's a very good case to.

and, though it broke me a thousand times,

i understand.

it is difficult to think in poetry and prose at the same time.

the space echoes in me.

the midwest.

i stare out the window counting field after field of mustard weed.
we drove and saw the earth turn over and over on itself.
after fourteen hours we stopped; still looking for a home, we stopped to rest.

what is it about the midwest that leaves me feeling so empty?
the space is too -- looking out, i feel lost.
for the first time in a year, i long.

this is nothing like a crowded city.

what do i use to orient myself?
words, people, time, place.
i am still looking for a home.

graduation

after it was all over, she went back to the dishes. still in her antique dress, she scrubbed them to prepare for next time. that was always her impulse - draw attention to the forgotten and shrug off the ceremonious. she didn't know if it was admirable. she didn't know what it all meant. there was so much fuss for the end. rather, she wanted to know something really very simple.

had she done well? is she loved?

can she love?

and it seemed to her, as she scrubbed the last bit of counter top, that a 'Yes' would deserve accolades upon accolades.