Angry, fist clenched, I beg him (yeshua) to please give me something to hold on to.
Wanting, naturally, to replace pain with some sort of stoic religious resolve.

Instead of a promise that I can hold up and compare the old to the new he, so consistent with his grace and mercy, says, "its okay to hurt. Let yourself hurt. You're allowed to hurt."

Fists released, heart soften.