Cannot

I CAN NOT TAKE MYSELF OUT OF THIS.
i cannot remove any part of me from this existence.
i cannot stop nerves from burning, leaving scars, shriveling.
I could say I want alive,
But this is it.
i have it. we all do.
Alive is real life. the throwing up out my window, hoping it doesn't fall on someone's head, wishing to forget inside of the murmurs of sleep, until the next punctual rape, until six a.m.