let me love you, that's all i'm asking you.

let me love you.

and how you didn't know i leaped

and agreed yes

and how you didn't know all my protests

were paper walls for you to knock down.

challenges.

how we failed.

how i could have submitted to you in all the vastness

of that word that i do not understand.

and how you could have loved me in all the ways

that took too much out of you.

love, in such ways, exhausts.

and now, the grand disconnect.

submitting to the iron rules that i have submitted upon myself.

and how unknowing leaves every uncomfortable movement

left to know alone.

and how many thoughts drift towards your knowing,

and remember,

they cannot be acknowledged without a fight.

and what a miserable scene,

when such an experiment of loving

turns so bitter.

(and i make no apologies for being so vocal and wearing so many hearts on my sleeve. i make no apologies for hearts spilling over into open-air life. this is life. we live it. these things are so mixed-up-hard in my head.)

only truth, it is that saddest thing to unknow you. i sat today, aware of the saddness.

unknowing may just be the opposite of loving.